She...

i was left alone to think self sufficiently
i had feelings of eternal madness
i stand intimidated by love and its secretions
faded pictures i dare not remember
it is he who arms i flee to for shelter and recongition
I am yet to decipher the directions of actual good and evil
nightmares conquer my mind as I rest
No reassurance of me getting up the following day
the devil fills my heart with absurd memories
I wish to vanquish them for a while not forever because I dare not forget lessons learned from within
I am an intricate soul looking to be loved
love that creates boundries that even god can not tear down
but yet still my tears quench my cheeks
smile still upside down
my life portrays heart breaks and let downs
i tastefully display my love on a silver platter
only for it to be devoured and left empty with no appreciations
i customize my smile so every soul can believe that i am happy
yet behind clothes doors i am met by a seeker of souls
a blockade i wish to break down
services of the enlighten ones i want to find
help beyond anyones understandings
i pray to be saved.
for now all i have is a note pad and she
for she is scared of what lies behind the shadows of illusions.
can someone help her